stream of love

For the fear of being vulnerable or simply spotted. Love only first emerges from the heart as a deer does from the forest. Will the heart reach the flowing river and drink in its knowledge of lands passed, and carried. bits torn off and pieces left behind, gravel, mulch and soil turned by nature's flow as is the love of a man. lovers are the stream of the soul smoothing and shaping the heart as if it were a stone being gently tossed and tumbled, until polished and smooth. only once this has happened will mother nature answer the call of the heart.

-Of all the streams i have traveled this will be the last.

Stealth mind

In the shady depths of my mind i feel the soil grow into a monstrous figure. Its heart beats louder than my own, its thoughts mixed and weave with mine, contorting and twisting till i cant tell when mine starts and its ends. its hair tangled and sharp catches onto my memories and rips them from my unconscious being bringing them back to to the surface to warm their cooled bodies. once the newly livened bodies are warmed they peer from behind my eyes into the world casting judgment upon everything it sees. when i close my eyes to stop the unfair judgment of your mind they turn inwards to laugh and ridicule my own mind, their home. they are relentless they scratch ,bite and nail at the inner edges of my skull looking for light on which to pass more curses and blame onto the innocent. i know if i close the fleshy doors to the outside that the creatures will soon re-freeze and fade away... but only in time and with much pain and for how long a ..? a day an hour? I'm lucky to be rid of them for even a minute , for when i open my eyes again to see the world for myself i know the light that passes through the lenses will once again warm the chilled bodies and awaken them from their temporary sleep. so i sit here in my isolated utopia, blind and hidden from the world, and i think of what would be without all the scars and rust left over from the dirty creatures from within.
-Michael Flemin

ponds and colours

Its a simple pleasure, slow and addictive. washing over like a warm rain in the middle of winter, its a refreshing change of pace as hats and scarfs are removed to enjoy the new feeling of freedom, steam will rise from the ground as the rain drips from the crisp edges of your cloths and hits the white ice under the feet of many. it will send blues,whites, reds , and greens flying out of the chest into the air as free and majestic as the untouched spirit, mixed with the falling fluid to make a mirror of colors. within the colored reflections are memories of the forgotten and visions of the untold, dreams to be held and songs to by sold. when absolute nirvana is reached time will slow like a dieing ripple on the edges of a small pond keeping the water young and unwrinkled. the smallest taste of this feeling on the tip of the tongue will send you to the pond for another look but none can stay forever not if the experience is meant to give the chill up the spine that cracks the lips apart in a ecstatic manor to show the world joy which it has never seen. this pleasure is unknown to the experienced and created best by the inexperienced. it is seen best in the dark under the blanket of stars that covers all of Earth's creatures.


--- it comes when life is in balance, when life is in need of more when life is... it will come

Partners in crime

walking hand in hand i can see the light that glows around you. when we cant be together the light dims but never will it fade. who can say whose wrong and whose right when we are both partners in crime. i can see signs that we may need to put this away for a little while, we are being too dependent and we need to find ourselves in this mixed up and lost world. we keep spinning round and around, i cant tell which way is up and which way is down. if i could see in the without the light, i would set this down for the next one in the in the night. As far as i can tell we both need each other but u can see more because u left without me. your running and no one can stop you. but when your feet get tired and your skin is damp i will be here to catch you as u fall to warm u by the fire lit lamp. we will share stories as lovers and have drinks as friends. and at the end of the night we will both crawl into separate beds where we can lay our heads. our dreams will be wild and florescent with the transparent colors of the air we breath. we will be on the moon one beat and in Rome the next. when we wake in the morning we will be as we used to be two people with a past that follows closely behind. but we are both moving. you now slower. I now a little faster than before because you have given me the strength to go forth blindly, and i have given the knowledge of patients for i now have seen the face of love and i cannot wait to reach it again whether its with you or with another i know there will always be a place in your heart for me and a place for you in mine as well. we keep in touch as friends over the years. when we are old and gray we will always remember the dreams we shared and the way the moonlight looked on each others face as it freckled its reflection across the water. and the way we could make each other laugh and cry all in the same sentence. but most of all we will know that we shared what most never get to experience, the love of a true friend and the feelings of teen lovers between the cool sheets at night. and with that in mind we will pass with no pain and with no hesitance , for we know we have lived our life to the fullest and we have seen what is and what should never be.

Reflections in life's mirror

I'm trying not to weaken and break out in tears but I'm thoughtless and i cant find my face in the mirror.its fogging i cant see into my own eyes. i cant tell if I'm looking forward or back. I've run through all the options and i cant find the piece to the puzzle. first I'm in then I'm out I'm chasing my own footsteps. I'm going in circles help me find my way, pick me up and support me through my time of sorrow as i did for you. I'm calling on the phone but no one answers, its a one way line.passing the door i think i'll knock but when i do it turns to vapor i breath in and it floats around my head.it cant be done alone it has to be won by a team, but i'm always picked last. in the middle once again i cant get away. i looked for the key but it has hidden. it hides in the spark of light you feel when you pass a secrete lover in the night. or in the sent of the first kiss. its the color of the first song you cried to. its the sound of the Beatles on a summer day. its the feeling that you get when you look around and realize you are truly happy. its that perfect photo of your children, wrinkled and torn from being remembered one too many times. Magic nights after the ice-cream and sparklers are all gone, and catching the lightning bug is the only worry in the world. its waiting to be found by the one who remembers the one with love in their heart and fear behind them. in the end i will find my key until then i will have to face my fears and i will have to fight my nightmares with my dreams. i am still slow and in the dark i am wrestling with a force i cannot see. but when i find my key i will break through the mirror to the other side to see that i was the reflection of a boy but now those years are gone and i now have my own boy, for i am a man and i may still have great fears but they are no longer within they are behind and only catch up when i lose my key.

Black and White rainbow

I see the glimmer in your eyes...I used to think the shining light was the love of your family and friends but i am no longer going to be the broken and gullible, for i know now that the sparkle in your eyes is just the reflection of the gold which you seek. its no mystery where it lies. its over the rainbow away from home and away from the respect you once had. You may leave now don't prolong the inevitable it just makes the heart fall harder. I'm looking up into the rain to try and stale a peek of the social circus, i see the almighty dollar rising to power and once again ruining more life than one. the thought of how some so close to me can be so focused on only the the green when there are so many colors on the very same rainbow road your traveling. i just look right through it, maybe I'm just color blind maybe i'm the only one who can truly see what life was made for.but still i can't feel the draw it seems to have on others and i cant ever find the dollar signs in my eyes when i look at the face in the mirror. maybe I'm ignorant maybe its you either way there has to be a loser and the victor never truly wins. though we never say it we know we want whats best for each other but your promises are never what they seem to be and i'm sick of it your selfish and immature, you have raised me from the time i was but a baby, taught me life lessons and how to be a man. for that i thank you but until you can be the man you want me to be I say goodbye.

I will wait on the black and white side of the rainbow until you come to your senses and can look past the colors of the rainbow... only then will you see the true beauty in life.

A bed of roses

selling my thimbles and trinkets i know my way. my mind is heavy my body cant hold still. at the end of the day what do i have?
a pocket full of hope and the cloths I'm wearing...what else could i ask for. at the end of the day when i'm cold and weak i will rest my head on the grass next to a bed of roses, feeling the fingers of earth drag me under i cant resist their grasp. pulling and dragging sucking me under i want to hold back but i cant. falling through i feel the warm arms of my moonlit lover. standing far from me she calls to me. i reach with the last little bit of strength i have back to the surface, fingers tickling the roots tied to roses they loosen and fall into my withering hands. together once again we embrace as the sun that has come to warm the earth from above. giving her the flowers i know my way.
we were such good friends, i need to know what happened. after she left my heart started to slowly fade, in and out with every beat like a blinking light sinking in the ocean. she asks of the pleasures i endured after she had gone. the only memory i have is the one we are making now. and still i know my way.
when the night is over and my head awakens from its warm slumber. the blood rushes back to warm my feet as i stand to see that the night has fooled me once again revealing images of the woman i once loved. i turn to see the bed of flowers empty, and still i know my way.

Promises never delivered

In the glassy looks of desperation and in the winds that send chills up the spine. when the monsters come out of the closet when the oogie boogie man is just around the corner. in the panic of a nightmare in the crimson spots splattered on the floor. in the reflection of the blade, and on the barrel of the gun is where i reside. I'm the terror in the night and the sting in a fight. run if u can but don't stop i will find you. your out of breath and want some salvation. keep running hope is at the end of the tunnel and the tunnel is short. though it feels closer with every step you take it never seems to come. keep your pace. and wipe the sweat from your face your getting closer now the light is upon you. you can see your own feet running below you now. nearing the end the sense of fear becomes greater than ever. your palms are wet and your shirt is tugging at your throat. the unknown is moving your mind faster than your feet. you see images of the unknown. images baking in the light. corpses of lovers past and bodies roasting like a raisin in the sun, the holy rays of gold pouring down upon the unborn or should i say the undead. the island of lost has found the unfortunate ones and gathered them to this unholy place of worship. the nuns are praying for Gods mercy and the Angels are laughing with the sinners. the clouds upon which the holy wings of the wicked are resting have been tainted and have lost color. passing the buckets of souls withering from unattended prayers you now see how the light at the end of the tunnel has tricked you. it promised you salvation and rest for all of your hard work, but now here you see that it has played and toyed with you to get what it needed. it needed yet another soul to crush between its dirt covered fingers.


Enjoy life... because no one knows if whats promised will be delivered.

Inside my room...

i have too many emotions to keep in this small room. the drawer is full of pain, its apart of everyday like and i know it but i try to hide it there. under the rug crawling like the infectious parasite it is is my depression. at first look you cant see it its just a oval woven rug with patterns of blue and green. but a second closer look will reveal that it hides my sorrow, the tears i cry at night are soaked up in every fiber and the nightmares that come to me at night are spawned from the shadows it casts.inside my closet are my secretes of times I've never told anyone, the extent to which i lie to others is on the left hanging in the corner in the right is the jacket i use to hide from the world. its long and colorful has many pockets that hide excuses for my actions and that hide lies about my true nature. on the floor is a box of broken toys sealed up to never be played with again. the box itself is falling apart, torn edges and wet spots from when i carried it in from the rain , but that was back when the thought of piecing the toys back together was available. if i knew then what i knew now i would have left that box of broken dreams and imagination out in the rain to rust and sog. on the walls hang the illusions and artwork of my past. in the center is the image of my mother father and sister, sitting at the park we are all happy and carefree. on the north wall is a picture of the dream i once held. its m family whole and in tact just as the toys once were. on the south wall hangs a shelf of my friends and a shrine of the one i love. though not all friends on the shelf are still in my life they will always remain in my heart. the shrine is dusty and hasn't been touched in a wile its standing like a crumbled silo at center of the corn followers. the walls themselves hold my morals ideas and opinions on life, a man is only as good as his word. the boy is as the man once was. the golden rule...i keep my love and affection closest to me at night so it can protect me from the nightly demons that creep in to attack my unguarded body. it sleeps till that special someone comes to wake it. once awaken it wont go to rest till it has been beaten and broken. my emotions are filling my room I'm only 18 and already the floor is flooded with sorrow love depression hate fear wonder acceptance remorse regret and pity. what is needed here is a place called lovers heart. their i can store some of these feelings. she and i will visit each others rooms often I'm sure , to help with the emotional mess we each have created with our time here on this earth. i can help her organize her room as we fung shwea' mine.

A shell for the Children

in the green and believing in the blue. cooling and heating a blurred mix mass, shadow wrestling finding their form mimics my own. moves are repeated as they first occur, finding in the dirt fingers at the foot of the round. mirrored,misfitted,and broken having the line of chalk turning to dust as the vapor gathers at the edges, digging at the pale hands feeling the stale rubbery palms. falling pouring onto the freckled pages of cheeks. tasting the ever blossoming tin man in the hole, depressed down and covered in dirt. taking fire to the face and feeling the sting from the hit that has yet to come. pressure builds the top is steaming clinking left and right. uncovering the rag-doll man, sun turning honey to a sticky mess. golden and sweet it causes even the baker to frustration. having the hallway out of the ground all to me and myself feels unusually nostalgic. minds melting with body, honey to tea. keeping with the sun i rise for the second time. clouds in front of me dirt to the right. NO to the left. yes the left side has much more grit mud and infestation festering in the wall. pulling and self propelling the boy from the man, clutching the toys and dreams keeping them close, i bring forth the new corps that knows more than mortal. feeling the warm ... golden liquid flowing down throughout the veins. consuming the dry chalk turning it to past for the children so as to have something to mold to, to jell to.

What makes him so Good?

What makes the good guy good?

lets start at the beginning.. he beats up a puny little guy that just wants a chance with the hot cheerleader type girl and when he is done beating him up its like ok now just to pour salt on the wounds ima go home and lay with this beautiful woman. ha ha ha in your face lil man who wants to take over the world and who knows mayb actually make it a better place. i mean has any one here read 1984 by George Orwell. i know that his take on the world living in fear is a bad one but in some respects SOME, the idea wasn't that bad. i mean everyone knew their place and everyone did what they were supposed to so in a way it wasn't that bad. and i personally think that humanity as a collective group, could now benefit from some false scare.boo one gets hurt plus we come together as a race united instead of fallen apart and still scattering..

so what does make the good guy good? well i will tell you he has something that the bad guy doesn't... A GOOD INTRO! i mean lets reverse the rolls a lil here.. the "Good" guy walks in with golden armor and a tan to match, the teeth on that sucka are whither that ....me... and he has like a fucking kick ass horse/car/sidekick/what have you. now lets look at the other perspective. umm... old dirty weird guy looking for some hot chick to ask out on a date. and because heis like this he will be scapegoated and wont even be given the time of the day. kinda like John Balboa in 1st blood lol .. i mean all the guy wanted was a freaking meal .. and that jackass of a cop basically caused a war in hicville U.S.A.

so ... ya thats my 1st blog and i think its pretty awesome .. but i wrote it in like 10 min. so let me know what you think and i will post more